Sunday, July 8, 2012

Listen,

I don't know where my place is here. I tell you this because you're the only one who will remember what that feels like, however long ago it may have been. I am a teacher. I have been for four years even if only two of them were professional time. I think, solve problems, plan, and interact like a teacher. The only real problem is that I let that define me and now that things have changed I don't know how to define myself anymore. I don't know where my place is here and because of that I don't know if I belong here.

I'm not having second thoughts. I know this was the right decision. But despite being around a lot of people I am still in a very lonely place. Lots of people trying to figure me out, figure out who I am, what I am about, and that is strange to me. The tea kettle is about to whistle..

okay. back.

I know that you're worried, but don't be. This is just another obstacle. Another hurdle to jump. The only trying part is that it is hard to reconcile my passion for teaching against my decision to leave it and explore another road which that passion spreads to. I feel like I have abandoned myself. I spent all this time training for my life and after two years I dropped it to do something else. I feel like a failure. I feel like I wasn't content with my great job and my amazing friends and the life I built. So what is going to stop me from not being content with this life? Not that you have any answers. The questions seem pointless don't they?

I don't fit here. and I hear you correcting me in my head "No No, you don't fit there YET". I guess at this point I'm waiting for the yet.

Píosa mícheart leis an bhfreagra

end

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