Again with the words...

So here we are again, you and I. I'm sure you know by this time that you've become my sounding board for when my thoughts become too much for my head and heart to contain. I wish that situation hadn't happened so often in the past week but this move has been a trying time for me. I am however getting a little better everyday.

I am fairly confident that I am in love with someone who is falling out of love with me. It happened just like this the last time. The slowly but sure feeling of someone pulling away from you but not wanting you to realize it is happening. It is quite possibly the worst feeling I have felt and one that I would not wish on my worst enemies. I am patiently waiting for the call, the talk, the message, the letter, whatever it is going to be that tells me that she is moving on without me. That journey has already been started and that I know for a fact. The worst part about this situation is that I don't feel that anyone near her is on my side. Its an exhausting situation.

The new job is good. I am slowly but surely learning how to interact with these people. and by "These people" I mean the stu. aff. group. It is an interesting dynamic. It is a group of people who are so grown up and responsible but somehow they very literally never lost the kids in themselves. The simplest things bring the greatest joys to them. That is a mentality that I never thought that I would lose but I did. It is even harder to try and turn it back on. I keep trying to be the adult and be the grown up "teacher" me. But that person is the one that doesn't have a place in this realm. It is a very surreal experience and a very tiring realization to know that you have lost a lot of the kid in you and you are ready to go on a journey to find him again.

I love music so much. Everything about it soothes me. listening to it, experiencing it, making it, writing it, recording it, watching it, learning about it. It is such an amazing art form. A truly beautifully written song and wonderfully crafted lyrics are some of the most powerful things to me.

I am learning a great deal about myself through this training. Learning a lot about why I think and act the way I do. I don't know if it will result in my changing, but I will definitely be more aware or what I am doing and why. I want to change some things. Others I just want to continue to know and grow with.

As always you have been great. I can't imagine my life without you or what you continue to do for me. Thank you. For everything you do and for the things you make me do for myself.

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